Okay, let's see... uses 'Oum' as a replacement for God, that's a fanon cliche that needs to stop... A bit more focus on Oscar's grief during that part, with Maria helping out, that's actually clever. It's the sort of thing that I imagine the show would have included if they had time and budget. (Side note, that's the kind of fic I prefer over 'rewrites' that have 'fixing it' as a goal. Scenes that could fit into the larger canon, expanding and working on filling the gaps they didn't have time to address).
Hiding half the team in the mail and hijacking the bullhead? That feels like change for the sake of change, as opposed to a better plan narratively... This is accompanied by the general feel of Ruby in this scene being far too childish, along with Qrow being more insulting and dismissive of the team, not to mention the general plan being less well thought out. No one on board knows how to fly the bullhead, and they trash the doors, before flying back into the radar, because here NO ONE THOUGHT OF DISABLING THE RADAR STATION. The radar station that had already been mentioned in story by Terra, as a way to bring it to the characters attention. This was just making the plans failure the heroes fault, as opposed to enemy action like the original version. Then Cordovin breaks out the big mech, without any provoking by Maria. This actually makes her more reckless and incompetent then the original version, where it was in large part due to Maria using the fact they'd been busted to provoke her.
More authors notes hyping up how amazing the Abusive Ex was, with use of the phrase 'old Adam'. And complaining he didn't get a moment as cool as the takedown of the Spider-mech in Volume 6. He tried that buddy, and Yang caught it!
...
...
Oh for FUCKS SAKE. After stalking Blake across a continent, he shows up, Yang shuts down and Qrow fights him, then everyone else including Cordovin in the mech, he gives Blake a plan for taking the mech down, and fights with them in a plan that requires them to trust him not to stab them in the back. They end up doing it without him getting the big moment, but he still has the plan, as opposed to the heroes in the original. Meanwhile Maria and Oscar are hiding and not contributing at all because in this version the Bullhead isn't armed. And Cordovin suicides when her mech is disabled...
That's it, I'm out. Engine, you have found a fic that embraces all the modern interpretations of 'Rewrite' and I salute your efforts in diving into the pit of voles.
